Week 189: YOU CAN PRANK ON IT


1. A turbaned man with gaudy jewelry, claiming to be the president of the tiny Southeast Asian country of Qabal, walks into the Office of a United States senator and

2. One day, next to a particularly large pothole in Washington

3. The phone rings at Jack Kevorkian's house

4. One morning, an unusual advertisement appears in The Washington Post 

5. A diner opens the menu at a fancy Washington restaurant to find

6. On stage, during a production of 'Aida' starring Luciano Pavarotti

7. At night, a team of pranksters sneaks into the airport and

This Week's Contest: In the spirit of the story on page one of this section, come up with a hoax or prank that begins with any of the above scenarios. One hundred words, maximum. First-prize winner gets a fabulous handmade wooden Uncle Sam birdhouse, a $ 30 value.

Runners-up receive, as always, the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 189, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via the Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Nov. 4. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Robert Howard of Arlington for today's Ear No One Reads. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 186, in which you were asked to supply explanations for any of four cartoons. Best answer that proved too popular to reward with a prize: Cartoon A, Al Gore campaigning in Iowa.

* Fourth Runner-Up (Cartoon D): Dan Quayle attempts to calculate the speed of light.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

* Third Runner-Up (Cartoon B): Jan fell for the salesman's promise that the car came with a muffler and driver's air bag. (Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax; Paul Kondis, Alexandria; Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

* Second Runner-Up (Cartoon D): Elmo, the world's strongest and dumbest Jehovah's Witness, attempts to deliver his first Watchtower. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

* First Runner-Up (Cartoon C): William could deny it no longer. He was bisectual. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

* And the winner of the JFK throw rug:

(Cartoon C): This is what happens when you say, "Beam me up, Scotty,

you big fat doofus." (Philip Vitale, Arlington)

* Honorable Mentions:

Cartoon A:

A Robo-Tiller. (Susan Reese, Arlington)

After spending the morning milking the chickens, Microsoft Farmbot Version 1.0, with a Pentium chip, proceeds to the next chore, shearing pigs. (Michael Baird, Derwood)

He was an expensive employee, but at least he never messed with the sheep. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

In L. Frank Baum's rejected first manuscript, it is the Tin Man who discovers "There's no place like home." (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

The network, desperate for a hit in the fall lineup, took a gamble with a "Six Million Dollar Man/Green Acres" hybrid.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Cartoon B:

Compulsive helium-breather and silly-voice-talker Edna bravely battles her addiction. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon; Don Wiggins, Germantown)

Susan McDougal riding in Clinton's victory parade after a presidential pardon.

(Edith Eisenberg, Potomac)

Cartoon C:

Bill Clinton, distancing himself from the activities of his lower half. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

The importance of spelling in medicine: Doctors mistakenly perform a lobottomy.

(Mike Thring, Leesburg)

Why some men prefer suspenders.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel; Russell Beland, Springfield)

Dick Morris, after his wife, the classic overachiever, makes certain she outdoes Lorena Bobbitt. (Susan Reese, Arlington)

A poor storyteller, George frequently got ahead of himself. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Cartoon D:

Why Bush's "Point of Light" theory never caught on. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Bob Dole's chief adviser misheard when his boss asked him to "Deliver the White House" (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

It was the last time Patrick would ever scratch his nose at an auction. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

This is a typical male. He dashed into Hechinger's intending to buy one measly 60-watt light bulb. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Ernie misheard when his wife insisted he bring home the bacon. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Ralph Nader, verifying that the lighthouse is actually light. (Mike Connaghan, Gaithersburg)

Diogenes, searching for an honest man in the Clinton administration. (Mike Platt, Germantown)

Next Week: Race to the Finish Line